In the raw

I wrote a whole blog entry in my head the other day when I was nowhere near a computer and now I find I have five minutes to spare and can't remember at all what I was going to say. The memory loss is not getting any better. This weekend I planned two separate social events on Saturday before realising that I wasn't actually going to be here at all. I am assured that chemo brain lingers on - along with the burgeoning muffin top. The day after my fab welcome back party I crawled along to the local leisure centre and took out a guilt-inducing Come ten times a month to break even membership which has actually turned out to be not too bad. I can now manage a pathetic 12 lengths of the pool and have suffered the humiliation of two yoga classes, the first of which involved a lot of toppling or lying down for a rest and the second of which pulled a muscle in my neck so now I can only turn my head to the left. I do wonder whether my stomach is just too big for yoga. How is it possible to bend over and touch your toes when there is a lump the size of Mount Everest to negotiate? But I will persevere. The upside has been a definite improvement in my legs' ability to get me where I want to go and a general uplifting of mood - though this could also be down to the brilliantly summery weather (up until today). I sent off to Boden for some large warm weather clothes which arrived today - in the rain.

Feeling unfamiliar lack of medical appointments so booked myself into the GP on Monday to discuss the strange way that my hands seize up in the night and I have to click them back to life in the morning. 'It's not cancer,' he said (ohmygod I hate these post cancer hypochondriacs she's going to be in here every five minutes for the next 15 years) 'It's fluid retention.' Fluid retention? Fantastic - there is a fluid fairy who comes round at night and pumps me up which explains why every time I get on the scales it's moved up a couple of notches. It's not fat...it's fluid! Which led me to my latest rather cliche post cancer phase.; raw food. Have just ordered the definitive 'breaking wind' cookbook full of top tips on making spaghetti from uncooked courgettes (spirolina machine £149 all good kitchen suppliers) and crackers from non wheat gluten free grain (dehydrating machine £239) washed down with wheatgrass juice (long stem juicer £69.99). Unfortunately I will not have any time to work to pay for any of the equipment as I will be far too busy making non dairy gm free vegan cheese and sprouting alfafa to hold down a job. I am in deep denial about the amount of money I have spent since last summer on non medical cancer expenses and plan to stay that way for a bit longer.

In that vein, I am off to France for a week at my old friend Anne's house on the gorgeous L'ile d'Oleron in Brittany followed by a week in the Loire with Francois and the children. It occured to me how much has changed in a year as between the new Marion Keyes in my suitcase I have stashed packets of rare green tea, Kriss Carr's Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips and Dr Haushka chemical free suncream. Plus ca change.