Parachute parenting

Before all this started I sometimes, I admit, used to look at my children and think I wasn't doing too bad a job. 'Polite and friendly' I'd have them repeat before they went to other people's houses. Now I'm lucky, make that very lucky, to get an either or.

The other day I sat and looked at them as the four of us (me, Emily, Luc and the au pair) had dinner and realised that they are slipping out from my hands, out of my control. The boundaries have become so blurred in our new family unit that no one knows what they are supposed to do, or be, any more. Loose cannon Luc deliberately goes out of his way to say things to shock or irritate whoever is closest to him and moody Mimi has a line in back chat that is seriously grating. I just about have the energy to perform basic tasks again - such as getting dressed, and even going to the office to answer the phone and print out wine lists - but have nowhere near the energy required to provide, consistent, 'firm but loving' parenting. Their role models for the last 9 months have been a largely absent father, a horizontal mother, and a 24 year old French student. Consistency has been replaced with whatever provides an instant solution and firm with the 'becauseIsaidsodon'tanswermebackoryou'llbegroundedforaweek' method - neither of which seem to be working for me. I feel as if I'm finally getting back into the game but someone has moved all the goalposts.

Work has been good - some kind of return to normality - and we are hopeful that our new full timer who starts tomorrow will turn out not to be an existentialist or a psychopath but can make wine move from one place to another without too much bother.

Francois is pressing me to go to France and spend some time with an old friend who lives by the sea on Ile d'Oleron and breathe some iodine (another old French convalescence remedy). This is probably not in the best short term interests of the children, but if I don't get my energy levels up it won't be in their long term interest either - so I think I am going to take him up on it.

Holding off booking anything until I get the results of my MRI which will show me what's happened to the ufo on the right...