The Bits Between

It is now impossible to buy a chicken. A decent one that is. I have never in my life bought that factory farmed rubbish but it takes a tv chef to point out the horrors and suddenly us loyal organic, free rangers are left with nothing but value packs of flabby, flavourless plastic chicken. Having set my heart on making a thai green curry I was forced to go to the John Lewis food hall this week in pursuit of skinned thighs - is this really the only shop in London or is it me?

Feeling much better since my midweek moan. For everyone who has phoned, emailed or sent me that year's supply of prozac, I have to admit that the act of writing it all down is its own medicine. So while you are reading my suicidal ramblings, I am actually blending coriander and lemongrass and and feeling pretty good.

Luc has been off school for 2 days with a bad cold and slight temperature - and a certain degree of anxiety. He really does pick up on my mood by osmosis. I never neurose in front of the children, I try my best to behave a normally as possible around them but they cannot be fooled. This morning - a propos of nothing - he wrote me the following questionnaire (all sic)...

1. How many cemo have you had?

1 2 3 4 5 6 Circle the number.

2. How many radiotherapy have you had?

0 1 2 3 4 5 Same

3. When you have drugs do you feel weird in side your tumy?

Yes No tick this time.

I filled it in and he then wrote

Well done. Exelent work. Next time Ill give you more questuns.

He's gone back to telling me he loves me more than I love him about a hundred times a day. When I asked him why, he said it was because he was scared I was going to die. His cold seemed much better so I took him out for a toasted sandwich and reassured him that next year we would be having double, treble fun and that I'd be around to shout at him to do his piano practice for many years to come.

I never imagined that something like this could happen to me. I still can't really believe it. I have always felt so damned lucky - but as someone said on the radio this morning - 'happiness is the bit between the painful episodes'. Perhaps giving my children that inate knowledge at this early stage in their lives will actually improve their experience of it.

So I am back to cooking my organic curry and appreciating the bits between. Luc is happily eating an iced bun in front of Curious George and has practised both hands - twice.