One of the difficulties in writing a blog is knowing how to pitch it. It occurs to me that there is a blog writing frame of mind that needs to occur at the same time as access to a computer - and the time and energy to write it. I was reading someone else's blog last week - a young, dynamic, successful woman who's abandonment and freedom in her posts made me consider the way that for all her freedom of speech and thought (although no doubt she too would admit to having a degree of self censorship), I am the reverse. I use the blog to provide information and to in some way thank all the people who have proved to be such amazing friends over this difficult time - but I don't really use it to express the rollercoaster reality - and am not sure if this is the place for it. I have to admit here to also writing a secret diary - called The Dark Side - which will never be published here - this fulfills a great deal of my cathartic needs - and keeps me sane in the wee hours.
Anyway - after a long gap - the chemo deadline which looms this morning - number 5 - so penultimate - I thought I had better add something or people would start to think I had fallen off the internet.
Half term was wonderful. A glorious week of sunshine, walks, fresh air and slobbing in front of th telly in Shropshire was the tonic I needed. The kids had a great time and my family did a great job of looking after me. My sister was such a star - taking out the kids so I could watch box office movies and driving me on Friday to an amazing place called The Haven in Hereford. There is also a branch in London that I will be attending for a 2 day workshop and retreat day in early Decmeber. The Haven was set up in 2000 to support women with breast cancer - emotionally, phsyically and pyschologically. They offer everything from highly skilled breast cancer nurses to nutritionists, massage therapists and workshops on everything from relaxation and meditation to tai chi. And it is all completely free. The centres work as a charity and are opening another in Leeds next year. They hope to open 10 around the country over the next few years. It costs £1000 to put each woman through the service - and when I have finished my treatment I intend to raise £1000 for them so that another woman can benefit as much as I am already. It really is the most incredible place and they should be everywhere in the UK so that more women can benefit. I cannot put a value on having access to this kind of help at a time like this and in helping maintain that fighting spirit! So watch this space and feel free to suggest any good fundraising ideas for me next year!!
Anyway - I was so uplifted after my trip to the Hereford branch that I was persuaded to do a little light clothes shopping - yet another comfy cardi to add to my collection - do I ever buy anything else? And a very comfy pair of dark grey cords from the White Stuff which are lovely. Helen and I also had a nice lunch and a quick trip to the cross stitch shop to buy two more teeny weeny canvases. I am hooked and now suffering the frustration of having lost both my embroidery needle threader hooks just before next chemo. So annoying.
I discovered yesterday that I am not going mad - memory loss is a feature of chemotherapy. Bloody hell - I can't afford to lose any more. I go around doing the most ridiculous things - can't remember anything - please forgive me if I have forgotten who you are after this next one.
I bought 2 of those needle threaders - so that I would have a back up and have lost both! No idea where I have put them. Can't believe it. Also managed this week to double book look for the same evening after school to be in two different places at once - within 10 minutes! Francois is doing his nut because I can't retain anything he tells me - ie what time he will be home - does he need feeding etc - so twice he has had no dinner and had to raid the fridge for leftover hummous and halloween chocolate.
Anyway - I am sincerely hoping that the memory will come back along with the hair - but if not, what was your name again?
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